I'm very ashamed to admit that I have all of the Twilight books, and I have read them all. And it's very obvious that the author never took any writing classes, because the writing is atrocious. I'm also ashamed to admit that I bought all of the Fifty Shades books; however, I only got halfway through the first one before realizing it is the worst piece of literature ever, and it makes more sense to just watch porn. I'm the most ashamed of the fact that I own all of Snooki's books. I haven't opened a single one, never even read the back of the cover, but there was some sort of force that took over my mind when I was at Target one day and saw it for $11 and thought, "What a great deal for a book. I can't pass that up."
I am not proud whatsoever of 75% of the books in my collection, but I just couldn't help it. The literature gods just aren't on my side when I go book shopping, and yes, I spend a whole afternoon once a month just to shop for books. I even go on barnesandnoble.com and just search for books that I'll probably like. Then, I'll make a list that I keep in my wallet, because you never know when you'll come across a great deal.
My suggestion is to check several other places before going to Barnes and Noble, like K-mart, Wal-mart, and Target. Actually, you will most likely find the book you want at Target for about $3-$7 cheaper, because Target is just fucking awesome.
I'm not big on the Kindle or the Nook or whatever else gadget they have for reading. I prefer my books in paper form, and I like to display my collection where everyone can see what bad taste I have in books. I'm not exactly sure why.
So here are my favorite books that I think everyone should read:
White Girl Problems by Babe Walker
I absolutely love this bitch. She is a rich, spoiled, anorexic narcissist who hits rock-bottom when she spends an exceptional amount of money at Barney's and checks herself into rehab. However, I can't decide on whether she is a real celebutante who just goes by the alias Babe Walker to disguise her identity and writes about her real life, or if she is a totally made-up fictitious person, which I refuse to believe.
Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me by Chelsea Handler,
Chelsea Handler's Family Friends and Other Victims
If you don't live under a rock, I'm sure you've at least heard the name Chelsea Handler. She has her own late-night talk show on E! That's the channel that actually should be called The Kardashians plus some E! Entertainment. She has three other books that she has written herself: My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, and Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. This book is a compilation of stories written by her family and closest friends about... well, lies that she told them.
Shit My Dad Says by Justin Halpern
This book is hilarious, and I wish this guy was my dad. Justin Halpern's dad has a very intelligent sense of humor and is just so likable. Shit My Dad Says became very popular on Twitter (You can follow him here: @shitmydadsays) and was even made into a show starring Will Shatner as the dad. It was an absolute joke and really sucked and was cancelled halfway through the first season, but I can appreciate the attempt.
I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max
Tucker Max is a complete douchebag... but he's funny, so give it a shot.
Sloppy Firsts (Jessica Darling Series #1) by Megan McCafferty
The first out of FIVE Jessica Darling books, Sloppy Firsts captures teen angst perfectly. Also, Megan McCafferty is from New Jersey like me, and I got to meet her, and she signed my Sloppy Firsts book, so I adore her. You can read all five books, but definitely read the first one... and the second one... and the third one, for sure.
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