MTV Video Music Awards 2012 Nominees

I haven't watched the VMAs since the 90s probably because MTV has just gone downhill in their television programming since then. The only good show they have had in the past five years is Jersey Shore, and that's not saying much. Also, ever since they came out with cars where you can plug in your Ipod, I've stopped listening to the radio. I also really hate mainstream music. I'm not trying to sound indie or scene or anything, but I just don't like whatever is popular in the US. I refuse to admit that I am an American, so I prefer anything European, including music. But I guess the VMAs aren't really about the music; it's about all the crazy shit the celebrities try to do like dancing with a snake, making out with Madonna, getting really drunk and going on stage... Okay, so the show is really about Britney Spears and her crazy antics.

Here is a list of all the nominees. In bold are the videos that I think should win.


Best Pop Video
fun. featuring Janelle Monae - We Are Young
Justin Bieber - Boyfriend
Maroon 5 featuring Wiz Khalifa - Payphone
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
Rihanna - We Found Love

Justin Bieber is a twat. When I first heard the Maroon 5 song, I thought it was Akon singing. I heard that One Direction song and I started developing ear cancer. And I fucking hate Rihanna now that I know she's an alcoholic and makes really bad relationship decisions... So, process of elimination.

Best Rock Video
The Black Keys - Lonely Boy
Coldplay - Paradise
Imagine Dragons - It's Time
Jack White - Sixteen Saltines
Linkin Park - Burn It Down

I haven't heard the song, let alone watched the video, but Coldplay is from the UK, so that makes them okay in my book.

Best Hip-Hop Video
Childish Gambino - Heartbeat
Drake featuring Lil Wayne - HYFR
Kanye West featuring Pusha T, Big Sean, and 2 Chainz
Nicki Minaj featuring 2 Chainz - Beez In the Trap
The Throne - Paris

As you can see, I have not bolded anything because a fuck is not being given by me about this category.

Best New Artist
Carly Rae Jepson - Call Me Maybe
Frank Ocean - Swim Good
fun. featuring Janelle Monae - We Are Young
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
The Wanted - Glad You Came

I've actually heard this song, and I think it's fun. So, sure, take the moonman and put it on your mantle.

Best Female Video
Beyonce - Love On Top
Katy Perry - Part of Me
Nicki Minaj - Starships
Rihanna - We Found Love
Selena Gomez & The Scene - I Love You Like a Love Song

I think Selena Gomez is made up entirely of lollipops and rainbows. Anyone that sweet deserves SOMETHING at least.

Best Male Video
Chris Brown - Turn Up The Music
Drake featuring Rihanna - Take Care
Frank Ocean - Swim Good
Justin Bieber - Boyfriend
Usher - Climax

Again. I don't care.

Best Electronic Dance Music Video
Avicii - Le7els
Calvin Harris - Feels So Close
Duck Sauce - Big Bad Wolf
Martin Solveig - The Night Out
Skrillex - First Of The Year (Equinox)

I think Calvin Harris has been doing music the longest, so he should get an award already.

Best Video With a Message
Demi Lovato - Skyscraper
Gym Class Heroes featuring Ryan Tedder - The Fighter
Kelly Clarkson - Dark Side
K'Naan featuring Nelly Furtado - Is Anybody Out There?
Lil Wayne - How To Love
Rise Against - Ballad of Hollis Brown

This has to be the stupidest category ever, but I guess it's okay since Kelly Clarkson is nominated. I love how she can go from skinny to fat and back to skinny again at the snap of a finger.

Video Of The Year
Drake featuring Rihanna - Take Care
Gotye - Somebody That I Used to Know
Katy Perry - Wide Awake
M.I.A. - Bad Girls
Rihanna - We Found Love

I love Gotye and I love the video for this song. That is all. I have nothing clever to say.

Best Art Direction
Drake featuring Rihanna - Take Care
Katy Perry - Wide Awake
Lana Del Ray - Born To Die
Of Monsters & Men - Little Talks
Regina Spektor - All The Rowboats

Lana is probably the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Okay, she's in my top 10 of the most beautiful people I've ever seen.

Best Choreography
Avicii - Le7els
Beyonce - Countdown
Chris Brown - Turn Up the Music
Jennifer Lopez featuring Pitbull - Dance Again
Rihanna - Where Have You Been

I know, I know. Chris Brown is a woman beater, but the category is best choreography and Chris Brown can dance. The winner is clear.

Best Cinematography
Adele - Someone Like You
Coldplay featuring Rihanna - Princess of China
Drake featuring Rihanna - Take Care
Lana Del Ray - Born To Die
M.I.A. - Bad Girls

Ummmm. LANA. Duhhhh.

Best Direction
Coldplay featuring Rihanna - Princess of China
Duck Sauce - Big Bad Wolf
Frank Ocean - Swim Good
M.I.A. - Bad Girls
The Throne - Otis

She's British. What do you want from me?

Best Editing
A$AP Rocky - Goldie
Beyonce - Cowntdown
Gotye - Somebody That I Used to Know
Kanye West featuring Pusha T, Big Sean, and 2 Chainz - Mercy
The Throne - Paris

This is a stupid fucking category, but I guess they need a time filler.

Best Visual Effects
David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj - Turn Me On
Katy Perry - Wide Awake
Linkin Park - Burn It Down
Rihanna - Where Have You Been
Skrillex - First Of The Year (Equinox)

They all suck my asshole. I refuse to pick.


I guess I'll wish luck to all of the nominees. I won't be watching, but if Britney Spears does something crazy, let me know. The VMAs will be live on Thursday, September 6th. Tune in if you care about this shit.