Miley Cyrus Is a Swedish Teenage Boy Now

...and her engagement will be called off in 3, 2, 1...

I don't know what possessed Miley Cyrus to hack off all of her hair, but if it's alcohol and/or drugs, she needs to check herself into rehab immediately. I guess it's not her fault she's a mess, though. I mean, her birth name is Destiny Hope Cyrus; anyone with that redneck trailer trash name is embedded with issues since birth.

I don't hate short hair on girls, but this is just a bad haircut. It looks like she wore a lawnmower as a hat, and this is what happened to her hair.

Also, you guys know how I feel about eyebrows, and I just can't take hers right now. They hurt my eyes.

It's not very clear on what Miley Cyrus's profession is anymore being that she hasn't acted since Hannah Montana or released an album since 2010. So, basically she gets paid to breathe and tweet stupid shit. Kind of like these gems:

That last one really kills me. Because Billy Ray Cyrus thought that quote up all by himself, right? Because he's that original, right? Because he's philosophical enough to compare opinions to assholes (one word, Miley, not two)?

This reminds me of Lindsay Lohan. Why? Because I think of the quote from Mean Girls where she says, "I have this theory that if you cut off all her hair, she'll look like a British man."

Now, her fans are trying to defend her by saying she donated her hair to locks of love and that's why she chopped it all off. Uhhh, that's bullshit. Locks of Love doesn't accept hair that's overly dyed and bleached. Also, her hair was way too short; they accept 10 inches or more, and she definitely did not have 10 inches of hair to donate.

It's not my place to say what she can and can't do with her hair, but it's just horrendous-looking. Supercuts would have done a better job. I bet she paid like $700 for this shit haircut, too. Stupid. Just stupid.